Happy people spend a lot of time socializing, going to church and reading newspapers — but they don’t spend a lot of time watching television, a new study finds.

That’s what unhappy people do.

“We looked at 8 to 10 activities that happy people engage in, and for each one, the people who did the activities more — visiting others, going to church, all those things — were more happy,” Dr. Robinson said. “TV was the one activity that showed a negative relationship. Unhappy people did it more, and happy people did it less.”

[From What Happy People Don’t Do - NYTimes.com]

While the study can’t definitively say it’s TV that makes people unhappy (versus “unhappy people watch a lot of TV), I think we all know all know it’s likely the former. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise since we all know that gorging on basically everything is bad for you. Gluttony, after all, is a deadly sin. Whether it’s too much steak, vodka, gambling, drugs, or just lying around the beach for years (AKA “sloth,” another deadly sin), too much of a good thing is, well, too much of a good thing.

Perhaps turning off the TV is hardest on us as parents. I know that this week, there will be more of our share of Kung Fu Panda and Wall-E than the kids need. We’ll need it however, if we ever hope to get anything other than canned cranberries on the table on Thursday. But reading this article, which can only confirm your suspicions, might help give me the strength to take the remote control in my hand and press OFF… well, maybe after just one more episode of the Backyardigans.

We do it. Our family computer sits in the kitchen, screen toward the crowd. I never have to worry about where my daughter is surfing, or what she’s looking at. Of course, she’s only 8. This will change at some point, but I think the findings of this are obvious, and projectable to other areas. My general parenting guideline for my four and eight year old is that supervision at all times will avoid a slough of problems. For example:

• don’t want your child to OD on cleaning supplies? don’t leave him alone playing under the sink
• don’t like the idea of kids having a party while you’re out of town? Stay home or find someone to stay in the house with them
• don’t like your kids watching inappropriate television behind closed doors? Simple. Don’t give them a TV in their rooms.

I suppose with kids as young as ours, this is probably very easy advice to follow. So far, I find that they like boundaries, as long as they are consistent. My daughter even reminds other parents that she’s not allowed to watch certain shows. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think we’re perfect parents, but we do try to stay as involved as we can and as present as we can. Obviously, as they grow, they need more independence, but each time you leave them alone to wander the internet, or watch whatever they want to watch, you take the risk that they will see things beyond their limits.

This would mean family computers being sited, wherever possible, in communal areas of the home rather than in children’s bedrooms or their parents’ private studies.

The review will also say that parents must bridge the technological “generation gap” by making sure they know as much about the internet and video games as their computer-literate children.

Mrs Byron, who is expected to publish her findings on Thursday, has talked to children, fellow psychologists, parents and industry experts after the Prime Minister expressed concern last year at the impact of violence seen by young people. While she is likely to recommend that rules on the certification of video games be streamlined - and made simpler to understand - she is expected to argue that there are benefits for young people from some games.

[From Computers should be kept out of kids's rooms - Telegraph]

This headline gave me shivers. Whenever I see these stories in the paper, it’s hard not to conjure up images of little babies hurt by those meant to be there to protect them. Often, they haunt me for hours or days after reading. And, if can’t handle the stories, how can a child reconcile them.

What do you tell a child who asks how a father can murder his two children and their mother? Child psychologists say the answer depends on how old the child is and how much he is capable of understanding.

“Such a situation confronts a child with a loss of innocence,” said Binyamina Shilo, a senior educational and developmental psychologist. “The older they are, the more this situation frightens them.”

[From What does a parent say when a child asks: How can a dad kill his children? - Haaretz - Israel News ]

As this article points out, kids under six are rarely phased by these stories. They are the stars in their little worlds and outside news is completely inconsequential. Older kids fear for the what the stories mean to their own framework of trust. Psychologists point out that you need to reassure them on several scores. First, that you don’t understand it either. That it is such a rare thing that the person must be completely sick in a way that almost never occurs. Second, that the news media plays these stories up, as they do with child kidnappings, not because they happen all the time, but because they are rare and sensational. Our kids need to be aware that bad things happen, but that they hopefully are very very rare in the safe environments we try to create for them.

It’s hard to imagine what goes on in a little one’s mind when he goes to the big school, but you can help him overcome some fears by talking to him before hand.

For example, many kids at pre-school and even kindergarten level, are nervous about the bathroom. Reassure your child that he can ask to go any time. Some kids have accidents at school, and he should be aware that this type of thing can happen, and does happen to a lot of kids. If you have given him strict instructions on other people touching him in the bathroom, make sure he is aware of how changes in caregiving my change that policy, for example if a teacher has to wipe him. Some kids will time their bowel movements to avoid school time. Discuss this with your doctor if it becomes and issue.

Buy clothes for your child with easy closures. No child at this point wants to have to ask their teacher to help them button their pants. Just at the moment you are trying to teach them autonomy, don’t burden them suddenly with shoelaces that need to be tied by an adult.

School is an ideal time to teach about making friends. You don’t have to be a car salesman to know the value of walking right up to someone, pointing to something you have in common (your love of sand or the color of your tennis shoes) and introducing yourself. This is not a skill that comes easily, but kids can learn these skills to, especially if you show them how it works, by introducing yourself to other moms and dads.

Lunchtime might also be stressful, if your child has never had to eat on her own. Many kids get stressed at lunchtime because they don’t have the leisure to drag it out like they do at home. Make sure your child has items that are easy to manipulate on her own rather than complicated foods that need to be reheated and might be hard to eat.

Your child may be scared of other small details that don’t worry you at all. He might think the school nurse means lots of shots. Or the school bus looks like a big scary tunnel he might get lost in and never find his way back home. Explore and discuss things like this with your child by asking him about his likes and dislikes about the school.

With a very small amount of putting yourself in their shoes, you can easily take steps to ease into the transition to school.

Here are some tried and true tricks for easing separation anxiety on the first day of school, or for any upcoming separation.

1. Be positive. Your child will key off your emotions about the event.

2. Give your child a preview. Most schools have orientation or visiting day. Make sure the first day is not a completely new experience.

3. Schedule some playdates before the start of school. Seeing familiar faces on the first day will go a long way to averting anxiety.

4. Pack family photos and a small stuffed animal so your child has a little bit of home to take with him.

5. On the first day, don’t hang around longer than needed. Reassure him that you love him and that you’ll be back to pick him up, avoid the drama, and move quickly out the door, no matter how hard this is.

6. When you pick him up, don’t overdo your joy in the reunion because this will just remind him of the pain of separation.

Be reassured that separation is a necessary part of growing up and that you’re actually teaching your child a valuable life lesson, no matter how painful for you both at the moment.

You can argue about the protectionism of the State, and whether this is too much control, but there is wisdom behind the recent decision by the French broadcasting authority to ban French television from airing TV shows made for kids under three years old.

As with many laws that are put in place to protect those who can’t protect themselves, I think the French have it right here. One thing babies definitely do not need is more TV. The advent of BabyTV in 2006 in the US spurred a national debate and the American Academy of Pediatrics made a pronouncement that babies should be kept from television completely. Now that BabyTV and BabyFirstTV are available in France from foreign distributors, this has become an issue there as well.

As the the French ruling noted, “Television viewing hurts the development of children under 3 years old and poses a certain number of risks, encouraging passivity, slow language acquisition, over-excitedness, troubles with sleep and concentration as well as dependence on screens” (AP 8/20/08)

While many of these TV shows are said to be designed especially for babies, in the Baby Einstein vein, the reality is that many parents (guilty as charged, your honor) use these shows as an electronic baby sitter, for even extended periods of time (not guilty on the second charge). The ruling went on to note, “Television viewing hurts the development of children under 3 years old and poses a certain number of risks, encouraging passivity, slow language acquisition, over-excitedness, troubles with sleep and concentration as well as dependence on screens.”

Anyone knows that the short term benefit of letting kids watch TV for even a short time comes with an immediate cost. They are usually pumped up for a while afterward, if only to list all the toys they suddenly have to have.

Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp owns Baby TV. Three companies, Regency Enterprises (a partner of News Corp.’s Fox Entertainment), Kardan N.V, and Bellco Capital, a private Los Angeles-based investment fund own BabyFirst TV.

I put the Houston Police Department in quotes, because it appears this is another example of the internet publishing a falsehood and republishing until it becomes true, as researched Snopes. As it turns out, the author could never be traced back to the Houston Police Department though several publications cited them as the “author.”

Here “the rules” are, and some of it them are funny in that patronizing way police or social services publications sometimes can be. They all, taken together, do seem like a good recipe for an not-so-great-dad. Taken like this, however, these rules are almost palatable and good advice, in their negation (12 things to avoid to produce “good” children” They are far more preferable to the “tough love” guidelines that advocate withholding all support and pleasure from young kids to toughen them up. I strongly believe that kids need as much love and attention as possible, and even coddling, to prepare them for the tough world they will encounter as they go along. That doesn’t mean protecting them from all disppointment and hard work, but always being there to pick them up when they fall down with a reassuring word.

12 Rules for Raising Delinquent Children

• Begin at infancy to give your child everything they want. In this way the child grows up believing that the world owes them something.
• When they pick up bad words laugh at them. This will make them think they are cute and encourage them to pick up cuter phrases that will blow your mind.
• Never give them any spiritual training. Let them wait until they are 21 and let them decide for themselves.
• Avoid using the word “wrong”. It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition them to believe later, when they are arrested for stealing a car, that society is against them and they are being persecuted.
• Pick up all they leave lying around the house, books, shoes, clothing. Do everything for them so they will be experienced in throwing all responsibility to someone else.
• Let them read any printed matter they can get their hands on. Be sure to sterilize the silverware and plates and dishes, but let their minds feast on all kinds of garbage.
• Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. And that way they will not be shocked when the home breaks up later.
• Give the child all the spending money they want. And never let them earn their own. Why should they have it as tough as we had it?
• Satisfy their every craving for food, drink, and sensual pursuits. See that all their desires are gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustrations.
• Always take your child’s side against the neighbors, teachers, and police. They are all prejudiced against your child.
• When they get into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, I never could do anything with them.
• Prepare yourself for a life of grief. For you probably will have it.

Traveling can be very stressful, and traveling with teens doubly so, for reasons that are completely different than for traveling with smaller children. Teens are developing their own interests and more than ever, you have to plan around how best to incorporate their needs, however exotic or seemingly selfish into the program. Here are ten ideas to help the trip go smoother this time.

1. Remember who your fellow travelers are. Just as you wouldn’t take your sports-ambivalent wife to a week of baseball training camp, try to figure out destinations the whole family can enjoy. That doesn’t mean it has to be Disneyland or the least common denominator. Think instead, of places that will have real highlights for all members of the family. New York City for example, can satisfy many many different types of people with museums, sports legends, nightlife, theatre, and even great parks. But pick a single-interest destination, like say, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the entire family better be into rocking out, or have other reasons for being in Cleveland.
2. Ask your teen to help plan. We like the City Walks cards series because you can spread them out and deal them like cards. Easier for everyone to see than passing out a book, the cards give everyone a chance to pick an itinerary and there will still likely be things of interest for the whole group. They also come in a more limited series for kids. Either way, have everyone look through the guide books or websites and choose at least one thing they really want to do, so no one feels like they are being dragged along an entire holiday.
3. Try to stay near the center of your destination and activities. Nothing aggravates family dynamics and the fatigue factor like long car trips or transit. Even if it means cutting back elsewhere, a great location can really ease a lot of tension when a trip back to the hotel is easy.
4. Consider an apartment rental or hotel apartment. Nowadays, there are many more options than having the whole family stay in a single room. That’s not a vacation for you or your teeen. Short stay apartment rentals give you more space for your dollar and feature a kitchen for more casual meals (pizza!) and cheaper breakfasts.
5. Let your teen choose things “you didn’t come all this way to do.” Even if you’re in National Park and your teen wants to spend an hour in the hotel arcade, let him have a little break from the stuff you “should” do.
6. Set up a vacation budget. It’s better to give out a fixed amount for souvenirs and extras before the trip starts. If you say that the money is theirs to spend as they see fit and they keep whatever they don’t spend, you’ll create a strong lesson in budgeting, but you’ll also be amazed at how many things now seem unnecessary for them.
7. Let them bring a friend. Obviously this isn’t a possibility on all trips, but when it’s possible, it might make for a great solution for you to get some downtime. Of course, now you’re responsible not only for yours, but someone else’s, so take this advice with a grain of salt based on the personality of your child and his or her friend.
8. Go easy on the “no iPod/no video games” rule. While you may not let your kids be constantly plugged in at home, vacation may the time to let them escape into their own little world during long car, train, or plane rides. It gives them a little privacy and a little down time that might make everyone a little less stressed out than if you make them interact with you at close quarters during the entire holiday.
9. Check yourself before you speak. It’s easy to get caught up in slights and disappointments during a tirp and to keep bringing them up. Small little fights are likely inevitable, but you can short circuit a lot of longer fights by counting to ten or just saying to yourself what you’re tempted to say out loud.
10. Pack light. With airlines finding new ways to charge for previously free services, a large added expense may be checked bags, which, at $15 each one way, can add up very fast for a small family. Packing simply will also save a lot on back-breaking lifting, which usually is dad’s job.

I just called up to my four year old son, asking him if he wanted soup with his lunch. His response? “No, thank you, daddy.” Now I suppose if I lived in the South, I’d be disappointed he didn’t say “sir,” but here in laid back California, just the “thank you” was a big reward for about 800 days of correcting and cajoling. Kids learn from repetition and consistency. We never let a request come without a “please” followed by a “thank you.” And, we let the kids correct us if we forget. It actually works. My eight-year-old wouldn’t think of skipping those words and she’s always invited for playdates.

I once heard that etiquette is not something you do so that you are following the rules and doing the right thing. You do it as a favor to the other person to put them at ease, to show your appreciation, and to show respect. These are all good lessons for kids. Will it make them actually feel these things? I can’t say for sure, but it feels good when you hear it and I doubt it’s a habit they’ll try to give up later.

Whether you like a “free-spirited” house or a well-disciplined machine, here are some good rules to keep for kids under five to make sure they are welcome guests wherever they go:

1. “Please” and “Thank you” are the basic currency of polite behavior. Adults will give a lot of slack to kids who say these two words.

2. No shoes on the couch or chairs. This is a particularly hard one to enforce if you let your kids use the living room as a winter season jungle gym. It’s hard to control that impulse, but a lot easier to create a no shoes zone that you always enforce.

3. Stand up and shake hands when you meet someone. This is hard for most kids who are timid around strangers. But what an impression it makes when a child knows how to greet someone.

4. No swearing - and that means you, Daddy.

5. Thank you cards are not a luxury - As of age 4, kids should know that we thank people in different ways for acts of kindness.

It’s often up to you as the parent to other families with like-minded values. It will easier to teach these and other lessons if your child at this age isn’t spending time with other kids who ignore the basic rules completely.

The subtitle of the book is “Building a Closer Connection with Your Baby,” and that’s what we hope the book will help dads do: feel closer and more connected to the little people in their lives. If you’re interested, you can read the preface here: My dad used to sit on the bathroom counter while he shaved and brushed his teeth, finished dressing, and tied his tie. I did the same with my toddler. It would be before dawn and very quiet, and I would set our daughter on the side of the sink while I shaved, talking quietly to her. Something about being alone together, trying made it exciting and special for her. It didn’t matter that I was busily getting ready; she was glad to come along, and even the sense of purpose was fun for her, just as she still likes to come on the most boring and mundane errands—to the post office, the DMV, even the dentist. When my daughter accompanies me, she doesn’t act bored and impatient. The outing becomes more like an occasion, and I enjoy it more too.

One day, at the sink, she insisted on shaving me. She was just three. If not for the fact that I remember sitting on the sink to watch my dad shave, I wouldn’t even have considered putting a razor into my toddler’s hand and letting her at my throat. I showed her the motion (down, pick up, down—never sideways!—and don’t press hard) and guided her hand through it a couple times. I told her how my grandfather, each morning before he went to elementary school, had gone upstairs to his own grandfather’s room with a straight razor, soap, and brush, to shave him after he had gone blind in his old age. She looked totally absorbed by this, and held her hand steady, so I positioned her hand at the top of my cheek and let her try a stroke. She carefully removed a stripe of shaving cream from my cheek, without trimming a single whisker. We worked on the pressure a bit, and she did most of the flat, easy parts of my cheeks.

My daughter was very proud to have been allowed this responsibility, and to have done something to care for me the way I normally took care of her. It was a bonding moment, which she has asked to repeat every few months since, and which I’ve carried on with her two younger siblings as they reached that age—without a single scratch.

Most men are like I was before my first child, having never even held a baby in our lives and with little or no experience taking care of kids. Of course we feel apprehensive about bonding and unsure how to interact with our offspring. I knew, though, that if I let my apprehension put me in the back seat in parenting, I would be taking a step back from one of the most important experiences of my life. I needed to take the initiative and create my own ways to bond with my child, right from the beginning.

It’s hard to engage after work when you’re tired and stressed, and part of the choice facing fathers is whether to play it safe, stay in that work mode and be very hands-off at home, or to engage with our children, something for which we’ve had no practice, and makes us feel unsure of ourselves.

Bonding with a baby or small child is about the small moments that you spend together, looking at each other, talking, taking walks. It’s not something that happens instantly. It’s a relationship that grows over time. That’s what this book is about: practical, everyday things to do to enjoy being with your children and forge the bond for both of you.

A lot of dads feel closer to older children, the ones who can catch a ball and enjoy a slice of pizza. But the bonding process starts in infancy, in hundreds of small ways. That’s where we’ll start—we’ll get to ball and pizza later.